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2005-06-24 17:50

Zombiewatch: Bonus Slovenia edition

(via the Beeb):

If anyone, it is Slovenia which understands Britain and its stubborn insistence on the rebate for as long as the common purse is an infusion catheter for keeping the Franco-German zombie alive in the form of overly large and uncompetitive agricultural sector... One must not overlook the fact that Britain's successful economy is raising serious doubts in France and Germany about the efficiency of subsidies. All these dilemmas are uncovering the real, though hidden, black sheep of the EU: French President Jacques Chirac.

Slovenia's Dnevnik, commentary by Dejan Kovac

Infusion catheters for Franco-German zombies! Now that's what we call political discourse!

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2005-06-24 10:44

Thunderbolts and lightening, vair vair nice!

But yesterday we, like Belgium (man) were having a hittegolf, for sure. But do you know, Varied Reader, what the official Belgian definition of a hittegolf is? Well:

Donderdag omstreeks 15.00 uur noteerde het KMI in Ukkel een maximumtemperatuur van 30,3� C. Dat betekent dat er meteorologisch gezien officieel sprake is van een hittegolf. Als er vijf opeenvolgende dagen maximumtemperaturen worden opgetekend van boven de 25� C, waarbij het drie dagen warmer is dan 30� C, dan is er sprake van een hittegolf.

Around 15.00 Donderdag the KMI in Ukkel observed a maximum temperature of 30.3� C. That is the sign in official meteorological terms of a hittegolf. If the maximumtemperature becomes for five (5) successive days more than 25�C, of which three (3) days are hotter than 30�C, then is speech of a hittegolf.

You can't say you never learn anything at this 'bladet! You can, however, probably say that you never learn anything remotely useful, but we are inclined to blame instead the uses that it is you have for things.

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2005-06-23 15:40

Sm�rg�spost

�1. Finns lose their cool

Then again, Berlusconi could provoke an outbreak of tact from a deaf Trappist monk, isn't it?

Finl�ndarna har inte varit sena med att reagera p� den italienske premi�rministern Silvio Berlusconis h�nfulla kommentarer om finl�ndsk mat.

[...]

Riksdagsledamot Sirkka-Liisa Anttila (c) kommer i sin tur ih�g d� hon tvingades �ta soppa p� komage, Lombardiets regionala delikatess.

- Soppan stank av piss, den var verkligen hemsk. Jag t�nkte n�stan spy, s�ger Anttila.

Finnishes weren't sl� to react to the Italian bossissimo Silvio Berlusconi's scornful comments of Finnish food.

[...]

Parliamentleader Sirkka-Liisa Anttila (c) recalled in turn the time she ate soup � la komage, Lombardy's local delicacy.

"The soup stank of piss, it was really vile. I thought I was going to vomit", said Anttila.

Manners, Sirkka-Liisa! Eat up your nice localdelicacy or you'll have it cold for breakfast...

�2. Last call for the Brussels Gravy Express!

An' I hate to hear that mournful whistle blow:

The European Parliament has voted to reform MEPs' salaries and expenses in a drive to banish the Brussels "gravy train" image.

About time too on this one, though, much as we love gravy.

�3. The one about the Swiss trains

You did hear, right?

Switzerland's entire rail network ground to a halt on Wednesday, stranding an estimated 100,000 people for three hours.

The link's vanished, but the Switzyland's own Le Temps said:

Pratiquement plus aucun train ne circule sur le r�seau CFF. Un probl�me de tension �lectrique est � l'origine de la panne survenue vers 18h. Les CFF ignorent pour l'heure la cause du probl�me, a indiqu� un porte-parole, Jean-Philippe Schmidt.

Barely a single train is working on the network CFF. A problem with tense electricity is at the cause of the breakdown that happened towards 1800 hours. The CFF doesn't know what has caused the problem, according to a spokesperson Jean-Philippe Schmidt.

I think we can now officially declare the End Times to have begun, isn't it?

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2005-06-23 12:22

So scientific

And oh so tasty:

A Japanese hamburger chain will on Thursday start selling whale-meat burgers, hours after the International Whaling Commission condemned Tokyo's plans to double the number of whales it kills during so-called research hunts. Despite condemnation, Japan has recently stepped up its campaign to promote whalemeat consumption.

Now that is tact!

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2005-06-23 09:49

Sm�rg�spost

�1. Is this tact?

It's about Bulgaria, but it's in Foreign :

Europa ist gut. Alle wollen Europa. Das ganze Volk liebt Br�ssel, Verfassung und B�rokratie inbegriffen. Europa ist sein Gl�cksversprechen.

Europe is good. Everyone wants Europe. The whole folk love Brussels. Verfassung and Bureaucracy inbegriffen. Europe is its happinessversprechen.

Is this satire or sarcasm? We have reason to believe we are about the EU citizen who still feels this way...

�2. Pregnantprinsess, with bonnet

Not fased by the queens hatdropping antics, the Upsidedownians (including Anna Louise prinsessspotter by appointment to the Imperial Court) keep their eye on the prinsess:

Princess [sic] Mary showed off her royal bump to delighted well-wishers and the world's awaiting media on a trip to Denmark's Faroe Islands.

At 22 weeks pregnant, the Crown Princess cut a slim and stylish figure as she stepped out to greet excited locals wearing a cream silk coat.

Excited locals wearing a cream silk coat are our very favourite kind!

�3. Increasingly global world!

I've started the globalisation ("g11n", from now on) block of my OU course. On page 10 of the book they use the phrase "increasingly global world" with a straight face. Bless.

They also claim that news media are overwhelmingly produced and consumed within nation-states, which is so bafflingly at odds with the universe we, for one, inhabit that we have upgraded ourself from merely cosmopolitan to a diaspora of one.

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2005-06-22 15:01

Forza gli rossoblu!

It is the Gazetta dello Sport ("Sportbladet"):

Un urlo solo nella notte. Una A lunga lunga, come le onde che martellano il porto. Genova � tornata a essere una Genova che pu� guardarsi attorno a testa alta. Con la promozione dei rossoblu, si ricompone in serie A uno dei derby pi� affascinanti d'Italia.

Un urlo lunga lunga solo nelle notte? We must know more of this urlo and its lungitude, for sure. Help us out please, Mr Fish:

Urlo alone in the night. One To long long, like the waves that hammer the port. Genoa is returned to be a Genoa that can be watched around high head. With the promotion of the rossoblu, it is recomposed in series To one of derby the more fascinating of Italy.

Right-o. Tidying up, and re-A-ing the "To"s, we have:

A single cry across the night. A long, long "A", like waves hammering the port. Genoa is once more a Genoa that can be watched with head held high. With the promotion of the rossoblu one of the most fascinating derbies in Italy returns to Seria A.

Sampdoria? Bah! We hate, loathe and detest Sampdoria, all of a sudden. (We like, admire and defend, of course, as we always have, machine translation.)

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2005-06-22 11:39

Help me Capitalisme, you're my only hope!

Having arrived in Genoa ("Genova") on the night that Genoa ("Genoa") Cricket and Foopball club secured promotion back to Seria A, we have of course become a life-long fan of said Cricket and Foopball Club.

And like any fan of a cricket and foopball club, we need or at least covet a replica team shirt. These turn out to be splorktastically hard to Google for, having been squeezed out by a motley assortment of chancers and no-hopers; a situation exarcerbated by the fact that the Market - Hayek's beloved efficient information exchange - hasn't yet twigged that my particular beloved cricket and foopball club is back in the big time and started giving their products the respect and especially shelf-space they deserve. Get a clue, Market!

But we don't thwart that easily, and we've found a source. (65 EUR isn't a problem; the address part of the e-commerce back end is, but a temporary one since it at least has a country field. Well done Italy!)

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2005-06-22 10:08

Ja, m� han leva uti hundrade �r!

The odds are against it, given that he's dead, but Sartre is 100 years old yesterday or thereabouts!

Omkring 50 000 v�nner, l�sare och nyfikna f�ljde den r�tt sv�ra filosofen till graven.

Around 50,000 friends, readers and curious persons followed the rather difficult philosophe to the grave.

We are very interested in funerary rites of French philosophes, for sure: does anyone know numbers for Barthes or any of the others?

(Our own funeral will be a private affair restricted to 100,000 close friends and admirers, for sure.)

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2005-06-21 16:07

Sm�rg�spost

�1. Cow parade goes horse!

In Belgium:

Le lancement officiel de l'exposition en plein air "Horse Parade", propos�e par les organisateurs d'"Art on Cows", a �t� donn� ce mardi dans le Parc du Cinquantenaire de Bruxelles.

Inscrite dans le programme des festivit�s relatives aux 175 ans de la Belgique, cette exposition de peintures sur 175 chevaux en fibres de verre traversera la Belgique.

The official launch of the open air exhibition "Horse Parade", by the organiseurs of "Art On Cows" was opened in the Parc of the 50th Anniversary in Brussels.

Inscrit in the programme of festivities relating to the 175 years of Belgium, this exposition of paintnings on 175 fibreglass horsies will cross Belgium.

�2. Once! Great! Nation!:

Culture wars raging in the United States are reaping new victims as monster-screen Imax cinemas and top museums are dragged into the fierce debate over the origin of life.

Pressure from ultraconservative religious groups has prompted some theatres equipped with the high quality panoramic Imax screens to cancel showings of several movies which refer to Charles Darwin's theory of evolution.

We're vigourously in favour, of course: miseducating the military-industrial complex back to the stone age strikes us as an excellent idea.

�3. A beautiful prinsess, slightly out of shot

It is instead the Queen of Danmark, whose hat fell off, while the lovely Kronprinsessmary managed to keep her's on:

Og ganske rigtig mistede Dronningen midt i et vindst�d sin hat, mens Mary lige n�ede at holde sin p� hovedet.

And quite really missed the queen in a windst�d her hat, while [kroprinsess]Mary managed to keep hers on her head.

We want prinsessbonnets, of course. Bring us prinsessbonnets, silly 'bladet!

[Tak til Birgitte for this one]

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2005-06-21 11:47

We like Sweden best of all, of course

It is Per Wahl�� och Maj Sj�wall! Together they were och Sj�wall/Wahl��, composite author of among Sweden's most acclaimed and popular detectivefiction.

Redan 1966 presenterade Wahl�� med all �nskv�rd tydlighet m�ls�ttningen: "Grundid�n �r att i en l�ngroman p� cirka 3 000 sidor uppdelad i tio frist�ende delar, eller om man s� vill kapitel, ge ett l�ngdsnitt genom ett samh�lle av en viss struktur och analysera kriminaliteten som social funktion och dess f�rh�llande till b�de samh�llet och de moraliska livsformer av olika slag som omger samh�llet i fr�ga."

Det �r allts� exemplarisk 68-litteratur.

As early as 1966 [the series started in 1965], Wahl�� outlined their intentions as clearly as could be wished: "The basic idea is to give a crosssection through a society of a certain structure and to analyse criminality as a social function and its relation to both sociaty and the moral lifeforms of different kinds which call society into question in a longnovel of around 3000 pages, divided into ten (10) freestanding parts, or chapters if you like."

It is thus exemplary 68-literature.

Oh that 68 spirit, for sure! Under the midsommar party - the socialcriticisme!

(Can we apply for publictransportasylum in Sweden, do you think?)

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2005-06-21 09:45

Concluding Remarks

�1. We like Italy

We like Italian, we like Italians, we like Italian food, we like Genoa, we like the Mediterranean and we especially like Italian ice cream, which is the only form of cake in the known universe we would actively seek out.

�2. We do not like Blighty

It took us four (4) hours to get from touchdown at Stansted to a train at Paddington. Stansted "Express", our hairy white imperial arse.

�3. We don't really like Spain much, either

But we're off to Ma�ri� at the end of the month anyway.

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