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2006-05-04 16:54
�1. L'�trange, c'est les autres
It
is Belgium. Or is it?
Dans le cadre du plan Marshall pour le redressement �conomique de la
Wallonie, le gouvernement wallon a d�bloqu� un budget global de 60
millions d'euros pour l'apprentissage de langues �trang�res.
The Marshall plan for Wallonia allocates loads of money for learning
foreign langwidges.
Foreign, you and we ask or enquire in unison?
Le public vis� est constitu� des enseignants d'anglais, de n�erlandais
et d'allemand engag�s � titre d�finitif ou � titre temporaire dans
l'enseignement de la Communaut�. D'autres bourses seront attribu�es �
des �l�ves, pour permettre � des jeunes dipl�m�s de l'enseignement
secondaire ou de la formation en apprentissage de r�aliser une ann�e
scolaire compl�te en Flandre, en Communaut� germanophone ou �
l'�tranger.
Yes, Virginia, Dutch is foreign, for these such purposes and Flanders
(spit) is Abroad.
�2. Bonus
Belgium!
Le minist�re belge de l'Int�rieur s'appr�te � lancer, en R�publique
d�mocratique du Congo (RDC), une campagne visant � d�courager les
Congolais de venir d�poser en Belgique une demande d'asile qui risque
de ne pas aboutir.
The Belgian minister of the Belgian interior in Belgium is preparing
to launch in the Democratique Republic of the Congo, a campain aimed
at discouraging the Congolese from coming to Belgium and asking for
asylum which may not be granted.
Who bad is the "Democratic Republic of Congo"? Really worse than
Wallonia?
�3. Would you like wizz with that gee?
A fax came through to my office the other week, touting a book on just
that subject. The publishers blurb promised; "A chilling picture of a
debt bloated America that seems headed down the same self destructive
path of the Roman Empire." Now, if that does not get your attention,
nothing will.
Speaking as the Holy Roman Emperor (yes yes, in exile, thanks for
reminding us) we have seen more comparisons of the FDR to the Roman
Empire than you've borrowed dollars, Mr So-Called Journaliste, and our
attention is not so readily bestowed as that.
Here are some figures. Whatever your politics, they should scare
you. The US federal debt stands at $8,2-trillion. Yes: trillion with a
T. American household debt — meaning ordinary Americans'
mortgages and such debts — dwarfs even that. It stands at
$11-trillion.
As J Paul Getty famously said (we have no idea if he also actually
said it), "If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem; if you owe
the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem".
Which is to say, the US domestic debt isn't our problem, but the
national one might yet be.
[Permalink]
2006-05-04 12:08
�1. Sprachen
Sie Foopball?
Wer wei� schon, was "Abseitsfalle" auf Spanisch hei�t? Oder warum der
Torraum bei uns 5-Meter-Raum hei�t, bei den Franzosen aber
6-Meter-Raum? Was meint der britische Fan mit "bicycle kick" oder
"nutmeg"?
Who knows for sure what the Espanish for "offside trap" is? Or why
the goal area is called the 5 metre box in Cherman but the 6 metre box
in French? What British fans mean by "bicycle kick" or "nutmeg"?
Kauderwelsch - for it is they! - knows.
They also have travel guides to Cherman foopball stadiums, and a
collector's edition boxed set thereof. They don't miss a trick, yer
Kauderwelsch, and good for them. If you buy your foopball
interlangwidge materials from anyone else, we have no sympathy at
all.
�2. Deserts are big and scary
We do
not recommend wandering off in the Kalahari to play with the
lions, as two (2) Swedish televisionpersons recently did:
- Deras bil hade exploderat och d�refter gick de l�ngt till fots innan
de kom fram till en polisstation i Ghanzi, s�ger Per Helgesson,
projektledare vid SVT.
"Their car had exploded so they walked for a long time before they came
to a polisstation in Ghanzi", says Per Helgesson, their boss.
We'd throw them to the lions for being so stupid, personally.
�3. How to speak Merkan
It
is ageing drug-cheat Barry Bonds and his performing adverbs!
Phillies fans may surely boo Bonds; it's the serenade that has greeted
him on the road all season, and it's what he heard last night when
introduced to Brewers fans. Phillies fans secretly must be
anticipating what the confluence of a healthy Bonds and Citizens Bank
Park could do to Ruth's second-place berth.
We'll skip the definitely-maybeisme of "may surely", but BrE just
can't accommodate "Phillies fans secretly must be
anticipating".
[Permalink]
2006-05-04 10:54
Firstly, they are an abomination in the sight of God, and secondly,
Leonardo da Vinci bloody well did not invent them. Not working
isn't a minor detail, when it comes to inventions, and "Oh I wasn't
actually going to actually build one, actually" isn't a satisfactory
excuse.
Thirdly, we are reading with frankly tedious slowness a Cherry Cotton
adventure which has just spent ten (10) pages with him in a
helicopter, and it turns out that our Cherman vocabulary is
spectacularly ill-suited to the narrative exigencies of such a
circumstance. Now that he's finally back on the ground it feels like
someone has thrown the Warp Speed switch, in a good way.
[Permalink]
2006-05-03 16:26
It
is California, where men are fairly laid back men but the
squiggles are fairly tense:
Windmolens maken zoveel lawaai dat Californische eekhoorntjes die
leven in de buurt van windmolenparken zich vreemd gedragen.
Windmills make somuch noise that Californian squiggles which live in
the neighbourhood of windmillfarms something something something.
They're jumpier around windmills, is about all we can tell you. (We
can read Dutch pretty good with a dictionary, but not always with
this such dictionary we have to hand.)
[Permalink]
2006-05-03 13:31
It
is a shock horror!
Selon une �tude publi�e, mardi 2 mai, par le National Geographic, la
majorit� des jeunes Am�ricains font preuve de lourdes lacunes en
g�ographie et sont incapables, par exemple, de situer l'Irak sur une
carte.
According to an estudy published on Tuesday, 2 May, 2006 of the
so-called Christian Era, by National Geographic, the majority of young
American's show evidence of heavy gaps in geography and are incapable,
for example, of situating Iraq on the map.
Our very own parents were equally insistent, in our youth, that
geography meant knowing capitals and countries and rivers and stuff.
Our teachers, however, held no such opinions, and they were the ones
with the red pens, so we learned what they told us to learn.
A more important fact that where Iraq is on a map is how it got
nation-statehood thrust upon it. (Hint: it wasn't rooted in the
territory associated with a people exercising its right to
self-determination.)
If certain persons we choose not to name had spent more time studying
these such processes and less time on plotting the courses of their
many missiles on charts or maps, then the world (as seen other than
from Euston) might well be a better-ordered place.
[Permalink]
2006-05-03 10:11
It is a
beeboid writing about his record collection! But with a Yoorpean twist!
13 & God (great name), from Germany, are in a long tradition of
Teutonic experimentation which pays off, on the whole. I really liked
what I heard of the Croatian surf rockers Bambi Molesters on a
website, but I've only managed to get hold of the first album which is
less impressive.
Austria's Kruder and Dorfmeister are up there in my all time Top Ten
but haven't done anything for a while. And why not?
There's Belgium's legendary Martin Lanout, but he's currently
bandless.
The legends they tell about Martin Lanout! They say he even made a
record once.
[Permalink]
2006-05-02 15:27
It
is a mighty fotografning featuring - from left to
right - Prinzessin Madeleine von Schweden (23), Prinzessin M�xima der
Niederlande (35), Schwedens Kronprinzessin Victoria (28), Prinzessin
Mary von D�nemark (34), Prinzessin Mathilde von Belgien (33) und
Norwegens Prinzessin Mette-Marit (32)!
Bild has plenty to say about their many frocks, but we're as sure it
is quite impertinent as we are that it's in Cherman, and that's pretty
sure, for sure. And Mette-Marit looks OK in curtains, so why not?
[Permalink]
2006-05-02 12:07
It is
Catherine Quicky ("Catarina Hurtig") and she has written a book
about the many Zwedish prinsesses!
Sadly her observations are less interesting than Molesworth's sister's
skool song, and sadder still Google won't fetch us the latter. Prolly
the Chinese government's fault, really, of course. Like the Google
Froup's interface having non-quoting reply as the default. Bloody
Chinese bloody government messing with Google all the time!
[Permalink]
2006-05-02 09:21
It
is the mighty and meaty Bavarian Weisswurst:
The Weisswurst is something of a new creation, having been invented by
accident in 1857 by frustrated Munich butcher Sepp Moser. Having used
up the last of the thicker skin he normally stuffed sausage slop into,
he turned to some thinner skin he had lying around to satisfy guests
clamoring to be fed. Worried that frying the thin-skinned sausage
would cause them to burst, he boiled them gently for 10 minutes. And
voil�, his guests were happy.
The Shpeegy-Spieg seems to have locked assorted feature journalistes
(presumably American ones, if the strained jauntiness is anything to
go by)
in a cupboard and told them to write many
hilarious articles about Chermany, nominally on the occasion of
the foopball of Inter-Nations. Here they are on Bild-bladet:
For German politicians, it's a necessary evil. For German
journalists, it's mandatory daily reading. For the German desperate,
it's a daily dose of high-resolution soft porn. And for millions of
Germans, it's the primary source of news.
Bild Zeitung, Germany's answer to the British tabloids the
Sun and the Daily Mirror, serves up tripe, trash, tits
and, almost as an afterthought, a healthy dose of hard news seven days
a week.
"High-resolution" is an odd adjective for tree-ware, thinks us,
[Permalink]
2006-05-01 16:30
Me me me!
1. Why I am so very certified
Our certificate in social sciences just turned up! We are so very official!
2. Why I am so very avuncular
Our second nephew-to-be just turned up! We are so very impressed!
3. Why I am so very slack
For once, the British "early May Bank Holiday" coincides with yer actual May Day, so we have been sleeping in.
Now it is time to read the Morning Star and sing the Internationale, of course; we certainly hope they schedule the Revolution, when it comes, for a civilised hour.
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