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(I know, I know, but it's the way we diarylanders have done it for generations.)

2014-03-17 14:08

What I think about while the children distract themselves

1. For some values of "half way"

For those of you who know no French or German, is a sound half way between the English e and the English u.

[Teach yourself Turkish, a complete course for beginners]

2. The Manglewurzeling

Supping ruminatively,
At their second pint of mild, already in their hands
The village elders quietly exult
At the manglewurzel's early blossoming this year.

By the riverbank, the maidens quietly despair -
Their suitors will have no chance to raise a dowry
Before the manglewurzel harvest time.

In their studies puzzled poets lick their pencil points -
What is a manglewurzel anyway?

3. Local colour

  • There's an owl in the tree at the bottom of our road.
  • One of the neighbourhood boys who comes to play with #1 child calls me "daddy", apparently under the impression it is a proper name. (The countess has tried to disillusion him; we really don't care enough.)
  • The crocuses have engaged their failure mode, which is apparently falling over. From nowhere the daffodils have sprung up to replace them. (As along the communal verges - we sincerely hope that austerity continues not to stop the council planting the bulbs.)
  • The neighbourhood plum trees are also losing their blossom, even earlier this year than the manglewurzels.
2014-03-09 19:49


1. Cycling home for tea

By the canal a couple sit
On striped canvas camping stools -
A fishing-rod, a can of beer and you!

But I wouldn't catch a fish I wasn't going to eat
And my bladder is notoriously weak

2. On not watching National Geographic

You'd think by now that everyone would know
Dolphins are rapey bastards.

And when they get lairy of a Friday night
And go out looking for sharks to fight?
It's practice for infanticide.

2014-03-06 12:29

More verse

1. On "Daddy day"

Is it too soon to start drinking?
Is it too soon for a beer?
That's what I'm generally thinking
Let's make that perfectly clear.

2. On the Crimean parliament's attempt to annex itself to Russia

It's looking grim
In the Krim
But Putin has
All the gas

(It's taken me years of struggle to be able to come up with word-final-devoicing rhymes. And then it manifests in English first.)

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